THE MIRROR: PART 8, CHAPTER 20 (2007 – PRESENT)

I could barely see anymore.  I could hardly feel.  I had long since given up hope that anyone would come for me.  Hearing tires on the gravel outside did nothing to excite me.  There was no point.

Then, one day, an amazing thing happened.  I heard the tire on the gravel.  It stopped outside my door.  A flicker of hope ignited.  I tried not to get too excited, but then I heard something jingling on the door.  There was a click of the lock.  Then there was the blinding sun.  Oh how it hurt my silver and ignited the being inside me!

Since I don’t have pupils like a human, my eyes didn’t need to adjust to the sunlight, and I was able to watch as a stout woman walked through the narrow passages of belongings. 

I had no idea who she was.  She wasn’t part of the family that I knew.

She had curly red hair that hung halfway down her back.  Her eyes seemed observant.  She walked slowly, almost reverently, reaching out to gently touch a few items with just a brush of her fingertips.  She never picked anything up.

Then she whispered, “Oh, Aunt Betty.  What on earth did you leave me?”

She walked behind the stack of boxes on me so I couldn’t see her. 

Suddenly, the boxes on my table rose into the air and there she was!  She saw herself in me and sort of cocked her head to the side.  She tucked a strand of loose hair behind her ear, then ran her hand over my table.  Her touch was gentle. 

She scooted some boxes away with her foot and opened one of my drawers.  She pulled out a book, which I quickly realized was Dear Elizabeth’s family Bible.  My silver quacked with joyful excitement. 

The woman flipped through the Bible, a small smile on her face.  She lingered on some pages longer than others.

“This will help in my genealogy work,” she said to herself.  Because, of course, she had no idea that I could understand her.

She set the Bible on me and peered deeper into the drawer.  This time, she pulled out Carrie’s journal.  She skimmed through parts, then I watched her eyes grow wide. 

“There was an affair in our family?” 

She lost herself for almost an hour, reading about Carrie’s relationships with Jacob and Abraham.  She read about the emotional turmoil Carrie had battled.

Finally, she put the journal down and pulled something out of her pocket.  She flipped it open and did something strange with her thumbs.  I had never seen anything like it before. 

“Okay,” she said, flipping the thing back closed with a pop and sliding it back into her pocket, “Ray will be here soon to pick you…  What else should we take?”

Who’s Ray? I wondered. 

I got my answer a little while later when a man pulled up in a pickup truck and stepped out.  I hadn’t thought to look at the woman’s hand, but I glanced at his.  Yep.  There was a wedding band.

“Hey, Lisa, I’m here.”

“Ray!  I’m in the back.”

Ray walked past me and gave Lisa – the woman with the red hair – a quick kiss on the cheek.  Lisa pointed to me and a few of the boxes she had gone through while waiting for him. 

He walked over to me and gave me a look over.  “Whew.  This will be a challenge.”

Ray wiggled me out of my spot and outside.  He paused to catch this breath, then called for Lisa. “Remember, do not lift it,” he said, giving her a look.

He hoisted up one end of me while Lisa supported the other end, then they traded places.  Ray carefully helped her into the bed of the truck before jumping down.  Then Lisa slid me back while Ray lifted my other end up.  Lisa worked on securing me to the truck while Ray went to get a few boxes.

They loaded up the rest of the boxes Lisa wanted, then Ray slammed the tailgate shut. 

“Are you sure you don’t want more time to go through the rest of the stuff in there before the yard sale?”

Lisa didn’t even glance at the storage shed as she said, “Nah.  I’m good.  I’m pretty sure this is the vanity my great-great-something grandfather made for my great-great-something grandmother, and I found a family Bible and a journal – which wow, just wait until I tell you what I found out! – and that’s all gold.”

“If you’re good, I’m good.  You want to put this vanity in the baby’s room when she comes?”

“YES!  Ray, you’re a genius!  It would be perfect.  Aunt Betty would have loved that.”

I heard their kiss, then Ray climbed into the truck and I heard Lisa walk to her car. 

I felt the truck rumble to a start and start to drive away to my new home. 

I was wanted.

I was loved.

I was more than a piece of furniture – I was a piece of a family legacy that would continue on.

THE MIRROR: PART 7, CHAPTER 19

** QUICK ANNOUCEMENT! **
My first children’s story went live this weekend! If you know a child who loves to doodle (or if you love to doodle,) you just may love my new book, “Doodle with the Doodlebugs.” The Doodlebugs will give the reader a line, and the reader can doodle directly in the book to turn that line into something AMAZING. Then, the reader can turn the page and see what the Doodlebugs did with the same line.

If you are interested, you can check it out on Amazon here.

*** THANK YOU! Now, enjoy “The Mirror” ***

I never did see Larry, but I heard Betty tell George months later that they ended up having to take both of his legs.  Larry would be bound to a wheelchair. 

George passed away in 1982.  He had a heart attack in bed.  I watched as he took his last few, struggling breaths.  I stood helpless.  The worst was hearing Betty’s screams when she woke up and couldn’t get him to respond to her.

Betty decided to move.  I heard her muttering about the house being too empty.  I personally think she felt empty without George to argue with. 

Movers came to get her furniture.  Betty ran her hand over me right before they picked me up.  She quickly opened a drawer and shoved some books inside.  I didn’t understand the tears in her eyes.  No one had ever been emotional when moving me before.  They knew they’d see me again.  The movers carried me into a huge truck that fit all of Betty’s belongings and left me in the dark while they got more.

I couldn’t see the end of the truck by the time they finished loading it.  I didn’t know when they shut the back door.  I did feel when the truck rumbled to life and started to pull away from the house.  I was ready to see my new home.

I was not ready for the cramped storage shed the movers shoved me into. 

I was pushed against a side wall, my glass still reeling from the shock.  This wasn’t a house!  Where was I?  What was going on?  Surely there was a mistake!  I wanted to yell at the men to put me back, to take me back to Betty, but of course, I couldn’t. 

I watched as more and more of Betty’s possessions were piled around me.  Why was Betty’s bed being unloaded her?  Surely she’d need her bed!  Several boxes were stacked on me, partially blocking my view.

Then the movers shut the door and everything went dark.  There was a click of a lock.  Then all was silent.

After some time, a mouse snuck in.  He nibbled on my leg to sharpen his teeth.  It didn’t hurt in a physical sense, but I didn’t like it.  I had nothing against the mouse, but I was still bitter about being abandoned.  I had been part of the family for generations.  Why had Betty just deserted me?

Then I remembered her tears.

I slowly came to think that she hadn’t wanted to part with me.  Something had happened to force her to store me here.  I began to imagine all the horrible things she might be going through.  I began to hope that things would get better and I could be reunited with her again.

Years slipped by. 

I cannot feel time like I have learned humans do, but I had also learned how to keep impartial track of time.  I can feel a minute accurately since I am not biased by emotion.  I used that time remembering the families I had lived with.  The houses I had seen.  The emotions I had learned.

I thought once again of Jedediah.  The hands that had so carefully crafted me and given me love.  The man who had been so devoted to his wife.  Dear Elizabeth.  The woman who had been so beautiful, even though she had been homely in appearance.  The light and joy in her eyes, and the compassion that radiated out of her.

The path from their house to here had not always been a pleasant one.  There had been family fights and fights in the world.  There had been many tears and hateful words, but there had always been family.

Would I ever have that again?

Sometimes I would hear tires pass by outside, and I allowed myself hope that the movers were coming back to take me back to my family.  On a few rare occasions, I even heard footsteps.  But they always went to a storage unit next to mine.

Slowly, I began to lose hope.  I began to forget what love felt like.

I began to turn back into a normal piece of furniture. 

THE MIRROR: PART 6, CHAPTER 18 (1965 – 1973)

George and Betty’s kids had grown up and moved out of the house, but I remained with them.  It was understood that their oldest, Linda, and her husband, Larry, would inherit me when they passed away.  Things seemed calm for a while.  Racial tension seemed to ease (at least, in our house.)  No bombs dropped from the Soviet Union.  Things seemed to be going well.

Then Betty received the letter from Linda.

Betty had been in their bedroom, pacing nervously for about thirty minutes, when George came home from work and found her.  She had chewed her fingernails down to the stubs.  Her hair was askew from her raking her fingers through it.

George walked in and froze.  “What on earth is the matter?”

Betty jumped at his voice, then ran to him.  “Oh, George!” she said throwing her arms around him, “I got a letter from Linda today.  Larry volunteered for the army.  Oh, Linda is so upset, and so am I!  Doesn’t he know that President Johnson is wanting us to join the war?”

This was the first I’d heard of a war.  Life hadn’t seemed too different from what I could see of my bedroom, so I tried to listen extra carefully to see what else I could learn.  Maybe bombs would be dropped on me after all.

George blinked a few times.  “Um.  Well now.  Larry is a smart boy, I’m sure he had his reasons.  Where is Linda’s letter?  I’d like to read it for myself.”

George skimmed over it once.  Then again.  “Well, it doesn’t give much information on why, but I’m sure he had a good reason.  Although,” he said, more under his breath, “I sure can’t think of what that reason would be.”

“Linda said he would be leaving on Wednesday – that’s tomorrow!  Oh, it’s too late to stop him.  Our letter would never reach him in time.”  Betty began to pace again.

“Woman, would you please slow down?  You’re wearing holes in the carpet!”

“I just can’t sit still!”

They ended up leaving the room and I just sat there, not having heard any more useful information about the war.  Where was the war?  How bad was it going to be?  Would Larry be okay?  So many questions, and no answers.

Betty sent updates as she could, but updates from the warzone – which I was finally able to find out was in Vietnam – were slow in getting to her.  Larry wrote when he could, but it wasn’t a simple matter of licking a stamp and finding a mailbox.

One day, George came home agitated.  Betty followed him into their room when he came to hang up his suit coat and put on his knit sweater.

 “A man from my office called me a warmonger today, when he found out I had a son-in-law in the military.  Can you believe it?  Like I personally advocated for the war.  Or for Larry to fight in it.”

“The nerve of some people!”

“And when it leaked through the office that Larry was over there, it was like I became the company target.  One man tripped near my desk and spilled his coffee all over my papers.  Another man knocked into me and made me spill all my papers.  Someone ate my lunch from the refrigerator.  All seeming accidents, but all in one day?”

 “That does seem like an unlikely coincidence,” Betty agreed, watching her husband stab his suit coat with his hanger and throw it on the closet rod. 

“I did not need this right now.”

Betty walked over to George and gave him a hug.

 One year went by, then two.  Betty got a strange device called a telephone, and I could hear it ringing down the hallway.  It was the most obnoxious sound. 

But one day I heard her answer and gasp.  “Is he okay?…  A helicopter got him out?…  Lost his leg?…  When will he be home?”

After she hung up, Betty came and collapsed on the bed. 

“Well,” she said to the ceiling, “losing one leg is better than losing your life.” 

THE MIRROR: PART 4, CHAPTER 11 (1900 – 1917)

Josephine and William had a quiet, happy life.  Judging by the furniture in their bedroom, they didn’t have much, but they had enough.  I loved watching them whisper together as they fell asleep at night, often giggling quietly. 

It felt right to be part of this house, even if Josephine didn’t stare into me as much as most of her ancestors had.  I didn’t feel unwanted, I felt needed.  I liked the peace and love that filled the house and settled in my wood.  I liked that Josephine didn’t glare into me, but instead used me to beautify herself to surprise William. 

One of those times she surprised William, she had a bigger surprise than just a nice dress and makeup.  Months later, baby James was born.  Then came the twins, Sandra and Evon.  And last came baby Marshall.  With each child, the love just grew and grew inside that little house. 

Yes, things were going well.

Then one night, there wasn’t the usual smiles and giggling under the covers.

“Darling,” William said, “I really think I should join.”

“No, dear William!” Josephine gasped, “You’re too old.  Think of me!  Think of the children!  What will we do without you here?  What would we do if you di… if you didn’t come back?”

“I’ll come back, Darling,” he said, reaching out to brush a strand of hair from her eyes.  “I promise I’ll come back.”

“You can’t make a promise like that!” Josephine whispered harshly, tears rolling down her cheeks.  “You have no idea what will happen on the front!”

“You don’t know I’ll be sent to the front.  Besides, we have far superior weapons to the Germans and the rest.  This war will be over in no time.  I feel like it’s my American duty to help it move along faster.”

“Curses to your duty,” Josephine spat, with more vehemence than I had ever heard from her before.  “You have a duty to your family, as well.  Please think about us!”

“Oh, Darling,” William said, with an expression of utter sadness, “that’s all I think about.  I want to protect you and keep you safe more than anything.  If we strike the Germans first, then they can’t come attack you.  Jo, listen.  My conscious will not be quiet on this.  I have to enlist.”

Josephine couldn’t respond.  She just clutched his shirt with two white-knuckled fists, buried her face into his chest, and wept bitterly.  He held her as long as she cried, gently rubbing her back.  He remained silent.  A few tears of his own slipped out.

Within the week, William had left.  From what I could gather, there was a ‘great war,’ and much of the modern world was fighting in it.  I began to hear Josephine mutter words like, “rations” and “duty” more often. 

Although she had rarely bought new clothes before William left, after he left, she quit buying new clothes altogether.  She still put on makeup, but just the minimum.  Her cheeks started to grow hollow. 

She put on a brave face for the children.  They obviously missed their father, but their upbeat spirits were probably the only thing keeping Josephine going on some days. 

The letters from William also kept her going.  Anytime she received a letter from any place that she thought was the army, she rushed into the bedroom and shut the door, terrified to receive the news she dreaded. 

The letters were almost always from William, with updates and forced cheerfulness.  He always told the truth, so she knew how hungry and cold he was.  His shoes were wearing out and often in the winter his feet were numb.  Some of his comrades had developed frostbite.  But always at the end of the letter, he would say, “Each day brings us closer to the end of this horrendous war, to victory!  Stay strong, my dear.  I will be home soon.  All my love, William.”

One day, the letter from William was short.  Josephine read it, gasped, and got a strange expression on her face.  She dropped the letter where I could read it and sat staring at me.  She sat starting, but not seeing. 

Since she wasn’t paying attention to me anyway, I read:

“Dearest Jo,

As you read this, keep in mind that I am writing you, so I am very much alive and able to think clearly.  Our troop was ambushed recently and I was injured in the battle.  When I am recovered enough to travel, they are sending me home.  I will look different, but I am still the same William that you know and love.

I miss you so much, dear one.  I am so excited to see you and the children again.  Warn them that I look different.

William.”

THE MIRROR: PART 4, CHAPTER 10 (1884 – 1990)

The baby girl was named Josephine.  Jacob had raged when one of the midwives finally gathered enough courage to go into the hall to tell him it was a girl.  He didn’t come in to see his daughter or wife.  As long as the baby was in the room, Jacob slept elsewhere.  Then one day, Jacob appeared.

“I’m going west,” he announced with no decorum.  “I’m going to start a gold mine.”

Carrie’s jaw dropped.  She tried to formulate words, but nothing seemed to come.

“I’ll send for you when I’ve made enough to get us a nice house.  We can start our family there.”

That got a response out of Carrie.  “We started our family here.  We have a daughter.  Her name is Josephine.  And you’re just going to leave us?”

Jacob shook his head.  “I’m leaving to take better care of you.  If you want to bring the girl, that’s fine, but it will take more time to save up enough for both of you.  The choice is yours.”

“The ‘girl’ is my daughter, so she is absolutely coming with me wherever I go.  And as your wife and daughter, we should go wherever you go.”

The argument was loud and fierce.  It was the most Carrie had ever stood up to Jacob, and I was both proud of her and terrified for her at the same time.  In the end, Jacob did slap her and left her huddled on the ground. 

I would not see Jacob again, though Carrie did get a few letters from him over the years.  If Josephine was not in the room, she would read out loud, probably to help her process what she was reading.  He never did strike it rich.  The last letter she received was not from him, but from someone who knew him, stating he had been killed in a mining accident. 

For Josephine’s part, she managed to grow into a graceful young lady.  As a child, she smiled and danced her way through the house.  She made it her job to try to pin a smile on her mother’s face.  Carrie’s smiles were quick and abundant for her daughter, but never lasting.

The lack of a father figure made Josephine shy and timid.  She rarely slept in her own room, but would snuggle under the warmth of her mother’s sheets.  Carrie often paced the floor while her daughter slept, wondering how to make ends meet, how to keep moving forward, but she fought valiantly, and her daughter never knew of the struggles to put food on the table.

Josephine was never clothed with the most beautiful garments – I only know because she sometimes lamented them to me as she stared into my glass while her mother was away – but she managed to keep a cheerful countenance and a beautiful smile.  From what I had seen over the generations, that mattered more than stylish clothes!

As Josephine neared adulthood, I began to detect a slight glean in her eye.  There was a sparkle I hadn’t seen since my dear Elizabeth.  She finally confided to her mother one night:

“Mother, I think I am in love.”

Carrie froze on the spot, staring at her daughter.  “In love?  With whom?”

Josephine smiled.  “William Densmore.”

“William Densmore?  Why, he’s nothing more than a factory worker!”

Josephine’s smile wavered.  “He makes an honest living, Mother.  And he’s getting by better than we are.”

“Doesn’t he still live with his parents?”

“Yes, to save money.  But he’s able to move out and sustain himself – and a family – at any moment.”

“A family?  Is there something you’re not telling me?”

Josephine’s jaw dropped and her eyes got hard.  “Mother!  No!  I love William, and he loves me, but we are respectable people and will live by the Commandment of our Lord!”

I doubt Josephine saw it – surely she would not have understood it even if she did – but I saw Carrie’s eyes cloud for a moment.  Only a mother’s strength could have removed the cloud so quickly.

“Of course, dear, I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to accuse you of anything, I have just heard so many stories of other girls.  You’re still so young and impressionable, I was just concerned for a moment.  But of course, I trust you.

“However,” Carrie continued, “if something unorthodox were to happen, please know that I will always love you, no matter what.”

Josephine softened and smiled again.  “Thank you, Mother.  And I love you!”

The two women – one more of a girl, at the tender age of sixteen – embraced.

Before Josephine turned seventeen, she was married to William.  I watched Carrie write a note to the county clerk to give her consent for Josephine to marry so early.  I watched the tears fall as she wrote that her father had passed away and was unable to give his consent.  I imagined she was thinking about how little he would have cared anyway – or how angry he would have been for his daughter to be marrying a ‘common’ factory worker. 

I couldn’t hear the wedding ceremony, which took place in the large room below me.  I did, however, hear the party that happened afterward.  What joy shook through the house that had been full of gloom and despair for all these years!  What warmth Josephine had tried to infuse into the walls with her childish whims was now fully alive with William at her side.

After the celebration, Carrie pulled Josephine into their bedroom one last time.

“I want you to have this mirror,” Carrie said, pointing at me.  “I know how much you love it.  It’s one of the nicest things I have left that I haven’t had to sell, and I want you to have it.”

“Oh, thank you, Mother!”

They hugged again, and Josephine left to rejoin her bridegroom. 

Josephine and William came back for me a few days later, and I was once again in a house of laughter and joy.  They did not have much money, and they didn’t try to look like they had any, but their smiles and love were abundant. 

I felt at home again.

THE MIRROR: PART 3, CHAPTER 9: 1884

I watched Carrie change in the weeks after her affair.  She became quieter and more reserved, even to me.  She used to confide in me, but she got to the point where she would just stare into my glass with an empty sadness.

She also tried to flirt with her husband more, but he had grown colder and more aloof.  He hadn’t wanted to be with her in several months.

Then one day, she walked into the room and set a leather-bound book on my vanity.  She walked back out of the room, but quickly came back with an ink well and pen.  She sat down in front of me and slowly opened the book.  To my surprise, it was blank!  What new kind of human weirdness was this?  Had they learned to read without words?

Carrie took a deep breath, dipped her pen into the ink well, then methodically wrote the words: “I’m pregnant.”

I did the mental math for myself and came to a horrible realization.

I watched as she continued to write:

“I’m pregnant and there’s no way the baby’s Jacob’s.  I’m terrified that he will find out – even as I write these words, I’m terrified he will find them.  He can be so angry, so violent, when someone goes against his ways, and this is far worse than disagreeing on opinion.  I knew this was wrong, and I did it anyway.

“Jacob will not lay with me,” she continued, “so I am unsure of how to make him think the baby is his.  I do not want to start a life of lies to cover my transgression, but I fear I must do something to protect the baby inside of me.

“Oh how I wish I had never gone to see Abraham!  I did not even know him as well as I thought.  And now I must carry the guilt of my actions, and continue to transgress into lies and deceit to try to hide them. 

“I now understand David’s lament in Psalm 51: ‘Have mercy upon me, O God, according to thy lovingkindness: according unto the multitude of thy tender mercies blot out my transgressions.’

“My heart does cry out to the Lord!  Forgive me!  Protect me and the child I am bearing in sin!”

Carrie’s head jerked up quickly.  She looked toward the closed door, then opened a drawer and slid the book without words inside.  There was a sheet of paper on the vanity, and she began to write: “Dearest Mother…”

Jacob came into the bedroom.  “What are you doing in here?”

“I am composing a letter to Mother,” Carrie said, looking up at him.

Jacob peered over her shoulder.  “It has taken you some time to write, ‘Dearest Mother.’”

Carried sighed.  I could not tell if it was a guilty sigh or performed as an act.  “Yes, I have spent much time trying to figure out what to say. Not much has changed with us.  It is time to plow, but they know that.  I feel like it is my daughterly duty to write, but I am unsure of what to say!”

“Hm.”  Jacob looked rather dubious.  “Well, one of the servants had a question about dinner for you.  Go and assist her, then maybe you can find some intelligence to write a decent letter to your mother.”

“Yes, Sir,” she said, quickly standing and walking out of the room. 

Jacob looked at the top of the vanity.  He seemed to be thinking.  I wondered if he was going to start looking through the drawers, but instead he turned and followed his wife out of the room.

Carrie returned about half an hour later and finished writing both the letter to her mother and in the blank book.  The letter she placed in an envelope, the book she placed back in the drawer.

Carrie began to write in the book regularly.  She never let Jacob see it, and he never had reason to look for it.

To Carrie’s strained relief, Jacob did lie with her a few weeks later, and she did not begin to show for a several more months.  To the outside world, everything seemed normal.  Inside Carrie’s mind and journal, however, there was a strong tempest that raged with guilt, fear, and sadness. 

Dark emotions flowed out of Carrie through both her tears and her pen.  Jacob blamed it on the pregnancy.  How little did he knew how both very right and very wrong he was!

During her pregnancy, Jacob treated his wife with much more love and tenderness than he had ever showed her before.  I had hope for them, and even Carrie began to let her guard down and smile around him again.  It was so good to see her smile.

At night, Jacob would talk about all the things he would do with his son.  The things he would teach him.  The plantation and legacy he would leave.  The wealth he hoped to leave.  Their son would have everything.

Carrie asked what he would do if the baby was a girl.

“It will be a boy,” Jacob said, with a smile and a certain arrogance.

Then in late summer, the baby was born.  Everyone thought the baby was coming too early, and pretended to be concerned. She and I both knew better.

The room was full of hustle and bustle, women running in and out, carrying hot water for the pregnancy, cold water for the mother’s head.  There was the usual screaming that accompanied the birth of a child – mostly from the mother and then, the baby.

The room grew hushed.  Carrie began to cry.  The women assisting her continued to tend to her and the baby, but concerned looks were passed between themselves as they went.  I was afraid something was wrong with the baby, but everything I could see and hear seemed the same as previous pregnancies I had seen.

Then a blanket slipped and I saw the reason for the concern.

It was a girl.

THE MIRROR: PART 2, CHAPTER 7 (1865 – 1881)

Somehow, Zechariah, Sarah, and Carrie all survived.  There were a few workers who stuck around.  Zechariah wasn’t able to pay them, but he agreed that if they stayed to help, they would get a share as they started to make a profit later.  Since he had taken such good care of them before, and since they didn’t know where else to go, they agreed. 

I saw a lot less of them in the bedroom, though.  Sarah made her own bed.  She got herself ready in the morning.  She tended to Carrie alone.  Zechariah was always around, but he was never exactly there, either.

I watched Carrie grow up.  Zechariah’s distance affected her.  She’d come bounding into the bedroom to find him sitting in a chair, staring absently out the window.  She’d ask if he liked her dress or if he wanted to dance, and he’d just grunt and wave his hand dismissively.  Carrie would always walk out with a crestfallen face.  It made me wish that I could move my wooden legs and dance with her, but I knew even that would never replace a father’s love. Who would Carrie have to dance with?

Her mother would tell her stories about how things were supposed to be.

I never knew what those stories were supposed to accomplish.  The ‘way things were supposed to be’ were no longer a possibility.  It was filling the girl’s head with false hopes and dreams.  Sure, I wanted Carrie to hope for a better future, but it would take an uphill battle to get there.  The dances, the pretty dresses, the horses to ride leisurely were a distant dream.

Sarah made it sound like Carrie was owed these things.

When Carrie was a young lady, I wasn’t surprised when I found out that she was falling for an older man.

“He’s everything I’ve ever dreamed about in a husband,” she confided to Sarah one night, as they sat on the edge of Sarah’s bed.

“But does he love you?”

“He says he does.  He says I’m beautiful and that he wants his babies to look just like me.”

“What does he do for a living?”

“He’s a planation owner, just like us.  Except it was a smaller plantation, so the Yanks somehow missed it and didn’t cover it salt.  So he’s doing well for himself.  I could finally afford all those pretty dresses for you and me!”

Sarah smiled.  “You deserve so much goodness.  But you shouldn’t marry for money.”

“Mama,” Carrie smiled back, her smile patient but strained, “it’s not like men are fighting for my hand in marriage.  I don’t hate him, so I’m sure I can learn to love him.  He has money.  He can take care of us.”

Sarah was quiet for a while.

“I know this isn’t what you wanted for me, Mama,” Carrie said.  “You wanted me to have a fairy tale ending, with love and money and everything.  This is the next best thing.”

“If you are sure this is what you want, Carrie, then you have my blessing.  I have heard of his family and it is a strong line.  You would do well to marry into it.”

Carrie smiled, a full smile this time.  “Thank you, Mama.”

“There is just one thing,” Sarah said.  Carrie’s smile deflated.

Sarah rose and walked over to me.  She ran her hand gently over my top. 

“Your grandfather Jed built this dresser for your grandmother.  He took so much care in crafting it.  He gave it to your father when we were wed, and now I want to give it to you as a wedding present.  It was such a comfort for me to have such an elegant piece when we had nothing.  I hope it’s a reminder to you of your family’s love and legacy.”

“Oh, Mama!” Carrie said with a gasp, “You want me to take your dresser?  Can you afford another one?”

“If there is anything that life has taught me, it’s that we can always make do with less than what we think.  I want you to have something special.  Something of your family’s.  This is the best physical object I can give you.”

Sarah then walked over to her daughter and embraced her.  “But know that the love I give you is even stronger than this dresser.”

Carrie clung to her mother.  “Yes, Mama.  I know.”

THE MIRROR: PART 2, CHAPTER 6 (1861 – 1865)

For a few months, Zechariah and Sarah seemed to get along better.  They celebrated Christmas together in the big house.  I got to watch them sneak into the room and wrap presents for each other beforehand.  They seemed giddy.

Zechariah seemed to be taking to the new job well.  Sarah loved the house and having something called “slaves.”  The closest I could figure, they were talking about the people with darker skin, but something didn’t seem to connect in my alloy about the tone in Sarah’s voice and the way she talked about people.

For their part, the people with dark skin were a fascinating bunch.  They spoke in a thick accent, and would always come into Zechariah and Sarah’s room when they weren’t in there.  This was a new concept to me, and at first, I watched them carefully to make sure they didn’t steal anything – not that I could have stopped them if they had tried – but they never did.  Instead, they would make the bed, changing the sheets periodically, gather dirty clothes, and clean the room.  If needed, they would stoke the fire and clean out the ashes.

They always talked about “how nice the new mastah” was.  I had no idea what they were talking about.

Stress lines around Zechariah’s face seemed to deepen.  I longed to ask him what was wrong, and wished desperately that Sarah would.  It took her months before she noticed, and she only noticed when she was talking about baby names and she realized he wasn’t listening.

“Zechariah!  Are you paying any attention?”

“What?  I’m sorry Sarah.  What were you talking about?”

“I was talking about your child.  I would think that would be of some importance to you.”

“Of course it is,” he snapped, “I just have a lot else on my mind.  But what is so important you’re going to come onto me about it?”

“What should we name the baby if it’s a girl?”

“Names?”  Zechariah shot up in bed, the covers flying off his shoulders to land in his lap.  “You’re going to yell at me about baby names when that time is a few months off yet?  Don’t you know that there’s a war about to start?  A war that could take away our entire way of living in this new life?  We could be right back where we started with nothing, and you are worried about a name.”

Sarah scoffed.  “There won’t be a war.  People are blowing things out of proportion.” 

Zechariah paused.  His voice softened.  “South Caroline succeeded from the country just before Christmas.  Other states plan to follow.”

Sarah became silent, her eyes wide.  “Why are they leaving us?”

“President Lincoln wants to abolish slavery.  Many southern states rely on slavery to grow their crops – just like we do.  Though I don’t think paying the people a wage would completely destroy us like many plantation owners fear.  Of course, you and I are used to living on a lot less than they are, too.  We could take a dip in profit okay.”

“A dip in profit?  I don’t want to make less money.”

 “It’s not that we’d be making less, we would just be paying the slaves to work for us.  If President Lincoln has his way, then we would no longer be able to own slaves.”

“Then who would work for us?”

“The same people could.  We would just pay them like an employee instead of owning them.”

“But that would cost a lot of money.”  Sarah pouted.  “Why does President Lincoln want to take our way of life away from us?”

Zechariah’s eyes narrowed.  “Sarah, we would not lose our new way of life.  And if we did, we would still be better off than we were before, right?”

“But think of the baby!  Think of the life we can give him or her now.  Do you want to lose that?”

Zechariah’s body stiffened.  “What do you think I’m thinking about?” he demanded.  “It’s all I ever think about is how to take care of you and the baby.  It’s how to keep this plantation going as my family trusts me to – Aunt Carrie has completely stepped away and doesn’t care to know what’s going on anymore on the business end.  I have so much to think about, and all you care about it the name of a baby that’s several months from coming.  Excuse me for being lost in my thoughts.”

Sarah seemed to shrink as he spoke.  They were both quiet for a while after he stopped.  He lay back down.

“I’m sorry,” he said finally.  “I just have a lot on my mind.”

“I understand,” she said, “and I forgive you.”

They hugged under the covers and fell asleep in each other’s arms.

War did come.  Virginia succeeded from the United States while Sarah was very large with child.

Zechariah went off to fight in the Confederate army to protect his home and family.  From the discussions – arguments, really – he and Sarah had, it was clear that he wouldn’t mind paying his slaves, but he had to do what he could to protect his family from the Union army.  As much as he wanted to be home for the baby’s birth, he wanted to help get the war over with quickly so things could return to normal.

The war was not over quickly.

Things did not go back to normal.

Sarah had her baby a few weeks after Zechariah left.  A girl.  Sarah named her Carrie, after Zechariah’s aunt who had provided such a nice home for them.

Confederate soldiers invaded the plantation.  I saw them come.  I saw them eye Sarah lustfully, as she cowered with Carrie in her arms in the corner of the room.

“Leave her.  She has a baby.”

I would have sacrificed my glass to bust over their heads at their pitiful behavior.  How could humans do such things to each other?

My mortification only increased when I heard that they stole all the food from the house, shoes, warm clothes and blankets, and then – the worst of all – plowed salt into the fields.  When Zechariah returned, he would not be able to grow crops for many years and much hard work.

If he returned.

In the summer of 1862, Sarah received a letter from a commanding officer, saying that Zechariah had been severely injured in one of General Stonewall Jackson’s campaigns.  He had been part of a small group that engaged Union forces in Kernstown, Virginia.  The Confederate army had been misinformed that the Union army there was half that size that it actually was.  Zechariah had to pay the price.  The Confederate Army retreated.  Fortunately, the Union Army had not pursued them, so after the battle, they were able to help Zechariah off the field. 

All Sarah knew was that her husband was alive, but severely injured.  He would be coming home as soon as he was well enough to travel.

Things were more difficult when Zechariah got home than when he had left.  He had been shot in his right leg, and ended up having to have his leg amputated from the knee down.  He walked with a crutch and was very bitter.

He considered himself a cripple.

His land was wasted.

Most of his slaves had run off – more would run off after President Lincoln signed something called the Emancipation Proclamation.  All I understood from what Zechariah read to Sarah was that all slaves were now considered free.  He could not work to get his fields able to sustain new growth in his state, and most of his help was gone. 

He did seem to rely on Sarah more, though.  I watched Sarah grow in strength and understanding.  She aged quickly, but she held on.  I was proud of her for the challenges she faced and strove to overcome.

Sarah wanted more children, but Zechariah was unable to provide them for her.  Although she tried to hide it, I saw the many tears she cried.

They grew thin from lack of food.

They often shivered together in front of the fireplace, trying to stay warm.

It would have been hard for things to get much worse for Zechariah’s family as they struggled through to survive the end of what was to be called the Civil War.

THE MIRROR: PART 2, CHATPER 5 (1860)

The fights between Zechariah and Sarah became more frequent.  Then one day, Sarah pulled Zechariah into the bedroom and set him on the side of the bed.  She knelt down in front of him, leaning gently into his legs.  She grabbed his hands with both of hers and pressed them to her lips.

Zechariah looked dumb struck, and I felt that way, too.  What was Sarah about to say?

“Zechariah, I’m pregnant.”

To his credit, he moved his mouth to try to say something, but no sound came out for a while.  Finally, he said, “Sarah, my darling!  That’s wonderful!”

“Are you truly happy?”

Zechariah slid off the bed to kneel beside his wife.  It was his turn to kiss her hands.  “Yes, Sarah.  I’m very happy.  However, I have some news to share, too, and this has made it a little more difficult.”  He paused, and Sarah’s eyes grew a little wide. 

“My mother’s brother has a plantation in Virginia.  He has taken ill and is not expected to recover.  I have been asked to move there as soon as possible to begin to learn the trade from him while he’s alive, then take over operations after he passes.  My aunt will remain the owner, but they have no children, so we will inherit everything when she passes.”

“We get to live in a big plantation house?”  Sarah’s eyes shone. 

“Yes, my love.”

“You’ve been given a good job?”

“Yes.”

“Are you happy about it all?”

“Yes, I think so.  …Are you?”

“Oh yes, Zechariah.  Yes!”  She threw her arms around his neck and they sat there like that for several long minutes, though it probably did not feel long to them. 

I hoped that this would be a turning point in their relationship, and that they would be much happier going forward. 

They began the process of moving the very next day.  Sarah started packing while Zechariah began making sure they had a reliable team of horses or mules to get them all the way to Virginia.  I could never figure out which they decided on, but they argued about that for several nights, and Zechariah said time and time again that his aunt was sending them money on the stage. 

Sarah started to get tired more frequently.  She’d come in often and fall asleep on the bed, sometimes without taking her shoes off first. 

But at last, the day came!  Swarms of people were in and out of the house to help load all of Zechariah and Sarah’s things into a wagon. 

I had not been loaded yet when Sarah told Dear Elizabeth that she was pregnant.  They were in the bedroom, unmaking the bed and folding the quilts.  Dear Elizabeth dropped the bedding in her arms, her hands flew to her mouth with a little shriek.  Her eyes danced as she rushed to hug her daughter-in-law.

It was so good for me to see my Dear Elizabeth one more time.  And how joyous to see her get such wonderful news!  To watch her almost bounce with excitement.

“Please write to me as your time gets closer,” Elizabeth said.  “Please, may I come stay with you after the baby is born?  This will be my first grandchild, after all.  Oh, I am so, so happy for you!”

Sarah seemed happier than normal, for that I was glad.

“We would love to have you stay with us,” she said.  “I’m afraid I’ll need all the help I can get!”

“That’s very normal for new mothers,” Elizabeth said, with a smile.  “And for experienced mothers.  Never be too proud to ask for help.  All mothers understand.”

“Thank you.”

The two women hugged again, then resumed packing away bedding.  Now, though, there was a new, excited energy.  They talked baby names, baby care, baby, baby, baby.  I was very happy to listen to it all.  I had already experienced a few births, and the joy after the birth was an absolutely beautiful thing to witness.  It was worth having to watch the birthing process.

I was loaded into the wagon not long after Sarah shared her news.  I watched Dear Elizabeth’s face for as long as I could.

I was not loaded gently, nor was I tied down well.  The ride to Virginia was very rough and very long.  My glass rattled and drawers shook.  Wood knocked against wood.  I tried to remind myself that at least I wasn’t in Sarah’s position.  I obviously had no idea what it was like to carry a child, but I had watched Dear Elizabeth go through it, and it was not an easy or comfortable journey.  The turbulent wagon was probably quite difficult for Sarah.

We finally made it, though, and through the legs of a dining room table, I saw our new home.  It was, quite simply, a mansion.  It was three stories high and made of brick.  Tall windows lined the front and sides of the house that I could see – I assumed they went all the way around the house.  A large patio covered the front door, and four white pillars held up a second-floor balcony.  It was beautiful, and I heard Sarah exclaim that as well from the seat up front.

Zechariah drove the wagon team – I still didn’t know if it was pulled by horses or mules.  My excitement of having seen Dear Elizabeth again made me forget to look – up to the front door of the house.  Fortunately, he parked so that I could see the front door.

A man with dark skin, smartly dressed, came out to greet us.  I had never seen a man so dark before.  Was he okay?  He bowed low.  “Welcome, Masters.”

“Hello.  Is Uncle Frederick feeling well today?”  Zechariah didn’t act like anything was wrong with the man, so I assumed it was just something I had never seen before.  After all, Jedidiah had tended to get darker during the summer than during the winter.  Maybe it was similar with this man.

Zechariah jumped down from the wagon and lifted a hand to assist Sarah.

“Doin’ as well as can be, Sir.  He’s in a mighty bit o’ pain always.”

“I hate to hear that.  Is he able to see me now?  And Aunt Carrie?”

“Yes, sir.  I was instructed to bring you as soon as you was able to come in.  Please follow me.”

I watch the threesome walk up the white stairs onto the large porch, then walk through the double front door. 

Not long after, more people with dark skin came out and began unloading the wagon.  I was carried into the house and up one flight of stairs.  I was carefully positioned against one wall of a large bedroom.  Three windows let in a generous amount of light.  I could easily imagine a baby rocker next to the large bed. 

Yes, we were going to be quite happy here.

Or so I thought.

The Mirror: Part 1, Chapter 1 (1840)

I woke up slowly, only being able to see as much through the glass as the melted silver was applied to the back of my glass.  As more of the liquid was applied, the more I could see.  I could see more and more, which pleased me because it meant I would be large.  I assumed that meant I would be worth more, and that my owner would put me to good

I could not see who it was that was making me.  This sort of frustrated me because I wanted to know my creator.  He seemed to be taking good care in my creation, because I could see so well. 

It’s so strange, being what I am.  I can see everything in my view – everything down to the smallest detail.  But when people look at me, they often only see themselves.  They can stare for hours, and maybe notice only the smallest detail.

Unless, of course, there is an imperfection that mars their reflection.  People tend to notice that.  Then they gripe and complain about how horrible I am.  They don’t stop to think that maybe it’s not my fault.  I had no ability to create myself.  Or maybe I was dropped, and that would not be my fault either!

But I digress.  I was so new I was not even completed.  And so far, my creator was taking great pains to make me as beautiful and flawless as he could.  Which I appreciated, even though I could not see him.

At last, I was complete.  I was left alone and allowed to dry.  I watched as men scurried around the factory.  They seemed to be both rushed and cautious not to break any glass – there seemed to be a tension in the air as they tried to balance the two stresses.

I took a better look at my surroundings[1].  I was in a large room with small windows around the top of the walls.  Most of the windows were dirty and open.  There was a large rope and pulley system to move large boxes of finished mirrors on one side of the room. 

There was a large fire on the other end of the room.  From this fire, men would pull melted silver out and replace it with solid silver.  The fire was incredibly hot and fed constantly to keep it at the necessary temperature.  The men tending the fire put on special outer clothes to protect them from the intense heat, and their gloves were very thick. 

Large sheets of glass were brought in and cleaned.  They were then carefully wiped down, then set in special racks to dry.  Glass that was already dry were set on large tables, where men would paint the liquid silver from the fire.  Then they were left to dry.

It hit me.  Why was I not on a table?

I watched as the men hurried from one mirror to another, painting painfully slowly, then dashing to the next mirror. 

Why had I been painted standing upright?  Was my silver running down my back?  I could still see, so I know I had at least a thin layer covering my back.

I stained to see another mirror standing upright that had silver drying and could see none.

The only thing that I could figure was that I was special.

The next day confirmed it.

A stamp was chiseled into me: “Made in France.  1840.”

Out of all the mirrors, only three were selected, and I was one of them.

I felt fragile, but whoever was shipping us off didn’t seem too concerned based on the way we were jostled about over rough roads.  It was a miracle I didn’t break.  But maybe the person knew what they were doing, and so I didn’t break.  I hadn’t yet seen trust in action yet, and mirrors can only learn by seeing, not by doing.

What was worse than the wagon ride – for I am sure that was how we were transported – was being loaded into the next vessel.  There was a jerk up – then up, up, up! – then a crash to the hard ground.  It had to be a large, sea-going ship based on the large waves I felt and heard.  Up and down.  Up and down.  Splash.  Rush.  Up and down.  I heard more than just the waves – some of my human companions did not appreciate the up and down motion and I heard them, as well.  I was grateful to be just me so I could experience, but I couldn’t feel pain or sickness.

Another rough unloading, another rough wagon ride, and then the box was opened.  The sudden light was blinding to me, as I reflected the harsh sun’s rays back into the world.  If I’d had eyes, I would have had to blink them a few times to adjust.  As it was, I just had to reflect the light and see what I reflected.

I was in a store.  That much was clear.  There was a large counter, which I was behind, with shelves and shelves of merchandise: sugar, penny candy, buckles, handkerchiefs, candles (candle holders, candle snuffers, candle…,) ribbon, fabric, and bottles and jars stacked to the ceiling.  And so much more.  The floor was open for displays and shopping.  The windows were large, covering most of the front of the building. 

Carefully, I was set upright against a wall, along with the other rest of my companions from the box.  And then we sat.  And sat.  And sat.  The owner of the store had to dust us periodically.  It would have been mundane, if not for all the interesting characters we saw.

There was Jimmy – a boy young enough to still be treated like a boy, but old enough to act like a man.  He would come in a few times a week and steal some of the penny candy for him and his friends.  The storekeeper caught him a few times, but he paid often enough that the storekeeper thought he wasn’t stealing much.  The storekeeper should have asked me.

Then there was the lady in pink.  The storekeeper never said her name, maybe he didn’t know it either, but she always wore pink.  A big, flowy pink dress and a big, pink hat to match, with a pink feather sticking out of it.  She almost always came in to buy new gloves, because her puppy – Pupkins was his name – had chewed another pair.  I think she needed a new dog.  And the dog needed a new name.  But she didn’t ask my opinion, either.

Next there were the old men.  This group of three men came in every day, drank coffee, and talked and laughed.  They told the same stories, laughed at the same jokes, and even coughed a hacking cough at about the same point of each day.  They could have been a bore or a nuisance, but they enjoyed each other so much it was enjoyable.  Most of the time.

My favorite shopper was the man I called The Farmer.  He only came in every few months.  He was very careful with his purchases.  He always counted his money very carefully.  He’d calculate the amount of his purchases, often changing his mind about what he wanted or needed, then calculated again.  Then he always paid in exact change.  He never opened a charge account.  But best of all, he always looked at me.  He’d run his hand over me, check my price tag, mutter something about “maybe next time, Dear Elizabeth,” then sadly turn away.  He never bought me, but he still made me feel wanted.  That was all I needed.  And it was fun to picture who Dear Elizabeth was.

I always pictured Dear Elizabeth as a beautiful woman.  Long, blonde hair in tight curls.  Bright red lips.  Vibrant blue eyes.  A small face, but not pinched.  And her height came right up to The Farmer’s shoulders.  That seemed about right for her.  I pictured her as quiet and shy, rarely talking.  She always had a fan she would constantly wave toward herself, or hide behind.  Sometimes I pictured her as intelligent, with books opened around her.  Or sometimes she was wise, and always quoting a philosopher.  Or sometimes she wasn’t smart, but she was always kind.  And kids.  I always saw tons of kids.  I knew I would never actually meet Dear Elizabeth, but I felt like I knew her and The Farmer.

One day, the shop keeper said The Farmer’s name: “Good afternoon, Jedidiah.  I got a new plow you might be interested in.  It’s a little smaller than what you were wanting, but not by much, and the price might be right for you.”

I loved watching Jedidiah’s face light up as he ran his hand over the plow. 

“It is a little smaller than I had been hoping, but you were right about the price.  I’ll take it!”

My face – if I had one – would have fallen when Jedidiah didn’t look at me once that single trip.  I tried to tell myself the plow was important, maybe life or death for him.  Life or death was worth not admiring me once.  He’d be back.  And maybe he’d bring Dear Elizabeth.

The hopes I felt dwindled as the days went on.  One of my companions was purchased by someone new to the area.  Then the other was, as well.

The next time Jedidiah came in, my silver seemed to jiggle with excitement.  I watched as he carefully counted his purchases.  If I’d had breath, I would have held it.  He leaned close to the shop keeper and they carried on a conversation I was dying to hear.  Was it about me?  Was I going home with him?  Would I get to meet Dear Elizabeth? 

Jedidiah’s face split into a large grin.  He handed the shop keeper a few more bills, then strolled over to me, gently picked me up, and carried me to his wagon.  There, he carefully wrapped me in a large quilt, then lay me down. 

The ride was just as rough as the trip to the general store, but I didn’t care.  The ride could have cracked my edges and I wouldn’t have cared.  I was purchased, I was wanted, I was going to meet Dear Elizabeth.

Once we arrived at our destination, I was not taken into the house like I had expected.  Instead, I was carried to the barn and put in a stall with a bunch of hay.  Jedidiah covered me until I couldn’t see anything and then… he left.

He left?  Why did he leave?

I lay there for days, worrying.  Wondering.  Straining to see anything other than darkness.  I could hear a cow mooing pitifully.  I could hear footsteps, hoofprints, and animals eating.  I was afraid they would start chewing the hay around me, or not see me and step on me and shatter me.  But they never did. And then Jedidiah came back. 

He carefully dusted the hay off and measured me.  Then he buried me again.  Again!  After the care he took with me, though, I felt reassured that there was a purpose – a reason – for my hiding. 


[1] The environment and exact procedure for this time is written to my best speculation.  This is not meant to be an accurate historical recording.